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How to Win All Your Most Important Negotiations
In today’s world, we are all negotiators.
You bargain with your boss, a home seller, the car salesman, the caterer, the loan officer, your adult children, even with your significant other about where to live… or vacation… or retire.
Few of us relish the experience, however.
Because the stakes are often high, negotiations can be stressful. We worry about the outcome, about not getting what we want… or need… or deserve.
That’s why I strongly recommend an excellent new book out this week by an old friend, Dr. Hal Movius: Resolve: Negotiating Life’s Conflicts With Greater Confidence.
A Harvard graduate, Hal is an applied psychologist, an author, and the founder and president of Movius Consulting, a firm that provides leadership coaching and negotiation training to organizations throughout the U.S. and around the world.
Hal’s specialty – his passion, really – is conflict resolution. From boardrooms to living rooms, he shows individuals – and Fortune 500 companies – how to negotiate with greater effectiveness.
Negotiation is really just the art of getting what you want.
Most of us understand this intuitively. Hollywood blockbusters like Jerry Maguire and Erin Brockovich were mostly about negotiation. So are many of today’s hit TV shows like Shark Tank and Pawn Stars.
In a typical year, you may negotiate the terms of a house or vehicle. You might haggle with your teenage son over the use of the car on Saturday night. You may need to settle a legal dispute or insurance claim. Or you might find yourself haggling with your spouse about how much to save or spend.
Most of us – if we’re honest with ourselves – don’t feel like we excel in these contests.
For some, conflict avoidance – i.e., surrender – is the default mode.
Others rationalize about their inability to negotiate effectively. (“It really didn’t matter that much anyway.”)
But you don’t have to settle for less than you deserve. You need only become a more confident negotiator.
How? Hal begins the book by describing the gulf that often separates parties to a negotiation:
Some say they lack the personal qualities to become confident negotiators. Not so.
Confidence comes from experience, yes, but also from knowing what both sides really need and what you’re prepared to leverage (or give up) to make it happen.
Throughout Resolve, Hal becomes your personal coach, showing you how to execute what he calls “a constructive confrontation.”
One successful strategy is to open with a note of appreciation. Follow it with a clear and specific complaint. Suggest a solution (and ask for theirs). Always have a Plan B. And develop a “game-changing move” that checks your opponent if necessary.
Too many people look at negotiations as a form of combat, where values get compromised or relationships damaged.
It shouldn’t be that way. And it doesn’t have to…
Hal shares the crucial steps that all great negotiators use:
- Discover priorities – Too many folks enter a negotiation with a laser-like focus on what they want. But you also need a keen understanding of what the other side wants. Instead of spending all your time hashing out differences, emphasize areas where there is agreement or lack of conflict.
- Fractionate – Break a sticking point down to different components. Instead of arguing over a single issue, you can often find ways to trade or compromise on smaller, less important aspects.
- Notice differences – People have very different priorities, beliefs, goals and values. For one prospective employee, for instance, the deciding factor might be salary. For another, it could be benefits, like an employer-sponsored retirement plan or gold-plated health insurance. Others may crave responsibility or a flexible schedule, or a prestigious title and corner office.
- Create options – When it isn’t possible to give your negotiating partner what they want, offer a smorgasbord of potential resolutions. An attitude of openness and flexibility moves you closer to your goal. It’s OK if the final deal doesn’t look the way you originally envisioned it as long as it meets your key objectives.
I’d love to go on and share everything I’ve learned from Hal over the years, usually over a glass of Robert Parker-approved cabernet.
But that isn’t possible – or necessary. His new book has all the best parts.
He even provides a Negotiation Process Map that shows you how to:
- ESTABLISH a shared opportunity.
- EXPLORE priorities and areas of flexibility.
- INVENT options to bridge differences and find common ground.
- DECIDE what is fair and reasonable.
- SUMMARIZE what has been agreed to and how it will be measured.
There is a natural tension in almost every negotiation. A home seller wants to get the best price. But so does the homebuyer. And in the minds of the two parties, this number is almost never the same.
If you’re an employer, you want to hire essential workers at a competitive cost. But as a prospective employee, you want to sell your time and talent – perhaps the two most valuable things you have to offer – at their full market value.
Many of your most important objectives in life – perhaps even your fondest dreams – require confident, effective negotiation.
Dr. Hal Movius helps make those dreams come true.
Many of the world’s biggest companies pay him tens of thousands of dollars to come lecture or train employees. But you can tap into this intelligence – and learn his best secrets – for less than 30 bucks.
For more information or to pick up a copy of Resolve: Negotiating Life’s Conflicts With Greater Confidence, just click here.
Carpe Diem,
Alex