Are You Uncurious?

You may know hundreds of people. Yet how many are truly fascinating?

I’ve often wondered about these men and women. What gives them that special indefinable quality that makes them so enjoyable to be around? 

Some will say its education, talent, money, humor or celebrity. But I think it’s something that’s within the reach of us all: curiosity.

Curious people are interested in the world and everything in it. They seek out new friends and experiences. They pay attention to what’s going on around them and why. 

Take Denny Zeitlin, for example. 

Zeitlin is a world-class jazz pianist and recording artist. He is also a practicing psychologist, a professor of psychology at the University of California, San Francisco – and a fascinating individual. 

I can say this with confidence even though I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting him personally.   I merely stumbled onto his website recently and was captivated by his essays and short videos on everything from wine collecting and bone fishing to mountain biking and travel. His quiet enthusiasm on all these topics – not to mention jazz – is intoxicating.

(Feel free to browse around www.dennyzeitlin.com.  And be sure to take a few minutes to watch both his wine cellar tour and his “Salt Water Adventures.”)

Zeitlin is a man in love with life. His attitude is infectious. (And so is his music, incidentally.) He is filled with curiosity and a lust for learning.

We all start out that way, of course. But too often children are given rules and obligations that squelch their natural inquisitiveness. They are told to know their place, to avoid controversial topics, to stay away from strangers and not to challenge their parents, teachers or pastors.

“Curiosity killed the cat,” we tell them.

Astronomer Carl Sagan once lamented that when a child asks a perfectly good question like “Why is the sun round?” it’s not unusual for an adult to give a dismissive response like, “What do you expect it to be, square?”

(Of course, most adults probably don’t know that intense gravity pulls material towards the sun’s center, forming a sphere. But there’s never any shame in answering a question with, “I don’t know. Let’s find out.”)

By the time we reach adulthood, many of us are already jaded or closed-minded. We tend to speak with, read and praise people who share our point of view. 

When our views are challenged, our instinct is to defend them (even if they might be wrong). In the process, we may miss the opportunity to learn something.

Other times it is the desire for certainty that suppresses our natural curiosity. After all, why look into a matter further when you’ve already got it all figured out?

Dr. Todd Kashdan, a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at George Mason University, says lack of curiosity is a breeding ground for stereotyping and discrimination, ignorance, rigid conformity, inflated confidence, and dogmatism.

Uncurious people tend to see the world in black and white. People are good or bad. Choices are right or wrong. Yet outside of mathematics, alternatives are rarely that stark.

Sometimes life comes in infinite shades of grey. And nothing demonstrates a low tolerance for ambiguity like a lack of curiosity. 

High curiosity, on the other hand, opens us up to multiple perspectives. It is regularly tied to greater analytic ability, problem-solving skills, and overall intelligence.

Curiosity drove many of the world’s finest scientists and explorers. Our greatest discoveries often come when we question authority, the status quo, or our own beliefs.

Curiosity is also what leads many of us – often late in life – to take up the piano… or fly-fishing… or ballroom dancing… or visiting all 50 states.

And it is something that can be practiced. Often it’s just a matter of greater awareness. When you’re making your schedule, what are you planning that you haven’t tried before?  When you’re talking, what opinions are you hearing that you haven’t heard before? When you’re traveling, what are you seeing that you haven’t seen before?

Curiosity is essentially an attitude toward living. It shows we are interested in adding to our knowledge, our skills, our areas of competence. We are willing to break out of our routine and experiment with our lives. 

When you’re curious, you’re energized. You’re learning. Your focus goes beyond yourself and your own petty concerns. You’re making discoveries, finding opportunities, adding to your quality of life.

Best of all, these pursuits don’t just make your life more fascinating.

They make you more interesting, too.

Carpe Diem,

Alex

P.S. I’m getting a lot of emails from subscribers asking what my new book “The Secret of Shelter Island” is about. (Admittedly, the title doesn’t reveal much.) If you’ve read it, please take a moment to post your comments on Amazon or Barnes & Noble.com. Thanks!